Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Practical advice for men about to get married

Indian marriage industry is today worth Rs 60o,000 crore(yes thats six lakh cores ) .With such a huge industry at stake and with the government , industrialists and the feminist all benefiting from it in various ways , no one wants to expose the dark side of marriage to the husbands. No one wants to expose the brutal reality that the suicide rates of Indian husbands today is 100% higher than wives. The suicide rates of men and women before marriage and after divorce is the more or less the same .Have no doubt tin your mind that in India husbands are the harassed sex in a marriage . With absolutely no support from the courts and the Indian Judicial system husbands are today left with only one option ,to seek justice from god ( and hence the suicide rate ) . With a divorce rate closing 40% in all the metros, it is high time even men start protecting their assets and resort to cold , rational and intelligent planning for the future. The husbands who are prepared better always either enjoy a happy marriage ( if it goes well ) or are at least safeguarded against major losses if it goes badly. Many might feel differently about why they should bring bad thoughts or negative thoughts before the marriage. Believe me , men are the mercy of the marital laws the moment they sign on the dotted line of a marriage certificate . Walking around the fire in colorful clothes is more of a fancy dress than anything more for women. Once the marriage starts breaking your wife will not remain the shy bride she was , on wedding day she and her family will most certainly lose all principles and values will want to make you a financial ox to extract money. apart from harassing you with government machinery through false cases . A well thought put plan a save you a lot of harassment in the future .

Steps to take before Marriage

Stop believing that women are the weaker sex :- The facade of weakness is the strength of a woman and the facade of strength is the weakness of a man . Do not believe one bit that the woman is doing a favor by getting married to you. Do not marry to "rescue" a distressed woman, they are the ones the bite the most . Never marry on haste . Your girlfriend of 10 years may file 10 cases against you within 10 months of marriage.

Do not attract a female match by flaunting your wealth/capability :-If you show blood you will attract only the wolf packs . If you flaunt your wealth to attract women for marriage the ones that will be attracted will be attached to your wealth and will marry to extort money and nothing more . There are innumerable state supported extortion tools ( also called Marital laws )available to Indian women and these days women are adept at using them to extract money from grooms . Their parents who are from an earlier generation too wholeheartedly support this . After all who who does not like tax free income . You are much better off stating that you are a decent young man living in a middle class with loans and responsibilities on you and no assets whatsoever. Every woman wants to marry a man only with credits but a the woman who can accept your debts along with your credits is the best match as a wife. You will be lucky if you can find one like this because they are fast becoming extinct.

See a criminal lawyer and not an astrologer:- This a MUST DO !! I cannot emphasise this more . Know the Indian marital laws before you marry. A visit to a good criminal lawyer is a MUST for every young man before marriage. It is of paramount importance for every man to know and accept the risk that should your marriage go bad ( about 30% do ) there is not one single law in India to protect the husband from harassment from your wife or your in-laws. Ask specifically about the Anti Dowry law , the Domestic violence Act , The maintenance laws and the Child custody law . All laws heavily favor the wives and the Judiciary and courts will always side with the wives and seldom with the husbands even if the wife is the culprit. Do self research on the internet and visit men's rights sites like "Save Indian Family" or to learn more .

Maintain Legal gift list:- Please make sure there is a detailed list of all presents exchanged between the marriages parties. It is better to create an legal affidavit of the same with signatures of the bride and her family members. Indian men need to know that should your marriage go bad it is very likely that the Anti Dowry law is the one that will be misused by the wife. The husband and his family might be implicated in a false dowry case even if he has not taken a single Rupee dowry , however this will take 5 to 8 years to prove . When a false dowry case filed commonly the list of gifts received by the girl’s side is often bloated into several tens of lakhs and crores and this is done to extort money from the husband’s side immediately after a case if filed .

Seek information educational and financial assets of the wife :- Just like the men disclose their salary and earnings before marriage . The boy’s side must also insist on disclosure of all educational and salary statements of the wife’s side . Make sure you have a copy of her education certificates , appointment letters and latest salary statements. If the wife has inherited any property from her father make sure that a copy of the property papers is also kept with the husband. Most wife’s voluntarily incapacitate (purposefully sit at home, or hide where they work ) themselves if the marriage goes bad and husband will need this to prove the capabilities and qualifications of the wife apart from the wealth she will inherit. More often that not the husband will be forced to pay maintenance even if the wife is fully capable to work . The husband even if sick and ill and really unable to work will be seldom shown any mercy by the court. If the wife is from a rich family insist on the father-in-law to transfer property to wife's name instead of dowry. Keep a copy of all such property papers for your safety.

Evaluate the brides mother :- To impress the groom and his family it is often stated in female bio-data that the wife's grand uncle was the King of Timbuktu and her great grandmother was a princess. These details are useless . What the groom must look is the power equations in the girl's immediate family . Are they in dire need for money ? If they are then it is highly probable that you would have to pitch in with money after marriage. Don't believe for a second that economically weaker families can be less unscrupulous. Carefully see and study the brides mother for the bride would more or less look and behave the same as she ages . If the brides' father is henpecked and the mother dominates the house , most likely she would expect you to be henpecked like her father and she would want to dominate the house. There have been very few cases where the women have filed false cases and harassed husbands where their mother is not alive . Bride's mother's are the primary aggressors in all matrimonial disputes and control the women no matter how far you take your wife away from her mother.

After marriage

No children for at least 2 to 3 years :- Maintain healthy marital relations but do not jump into having a child immediately . Use the initial years to just gauge the behavior of the wife and determine if the marriage will even last. Most Indian marriages that will go down hill will start going downhill within a few months itself . If things start going downhill then relatives may advise you that having a child will set right everything, believe me it does not. If things start going downhill refrain from having a child ever with your wife. A child just gives more bargaining power to the wives and her family and leaves the man emotionally and financially bankrupt. Many times the wives and her family force an early child just to tie up the husband , do not fall into that trap . having a child a few years later or never having a child is much better than having a child whom you can see only on court dates but keep paying for its upkeep till it is 18 . The child when separated from you will most certainly be poisoned against the man and will grow up hating the father . Do you really want to have such a liability in tour life ?

Do not disclose your finances: - Refrain from disclosing all the details of finances from wives for a few years . As above use this time to gauge her behavior to see if she has married you for being your lifelong wife or just for controlling your finances and making you a henpecked husband. Give her decent pocket money to spend as per your means and if you have to have a joint account for convenience then open a totally new account and put money into it as and when needed in small amounts. Remember, even if a wife withdraws your life savings from a joint account , there is nothing you can do about it legally so refrain from giving access to prime or major accounts with a lot of money. Do not disclose property or investments for a few years after marriage till the marriage has settled down.

Do not buy property or expensive automobiles : - Never make the mistake of taking the complete loan on yourself and buying a property immediately after marriage. The same also goes for automobiles.A property (land or flat) bought after marriage could become joint property and the wife will definitely seek rights to live in it even though you will payback the bank loan for it . Stay in your parents place or a rented house for the first few years. If you are dying to buy a property or automobile buy it in the name of your mother or father (husband’s) and never in your (husbands) name since anything in your name will also belong to your wife whether she loves you or hates you . If you do not trust your parents or your siblings and have no other option but to buy property in your name then make sure that the wife made a guarantor in the loan application or that the wife pays half of the loan amount and the husband pays the other half. All wives today are capable and earning hands so it is not a tall order to share the payments of the flat or the car they will stay in or use .

Marraige is after all a gamble for the husband as well as the wife . However the husband can significantly decrease your chances of losing the hand if the husband follows the simple tips above. Lastly, do all the above things but only after a few years when you are fully confident that your wife has married you for lifelong happy companionship and someone to grow old with .


  1. As per law in India, marrage is a crime for Indian men, os decide yourself, rise your voice against that injustice done by law makers or want sleep.

  2. Being deeply hurt by the misuse of this law, I can understand each and every word of this blog. It is so much true. But unfortunately, it is very rare that any unmarried man will ever understand these things unless they or their close friends/relatives are impacted. Somehow we need to create more awareness on this "burning" topic. Those ugly woman and their parents should fail miserably.

  3. Hi
    Totally understand that a lot of marital laws are currently against men. Let's ask why that is so and nip the problem at its bud. Most discussions on divorce by choice - which is a discussion in the courts right now, some lawyers feel that women are left helpless after that. And we all know that is so because most women are still not financially independent. And all the problems that u state above arise out of the same evil of financial dependence.
    If you are brought up by the society as someone who takes care of the house you tend to focus all your financial needs on the man and hence the above stated behaviour.
    The permanent solution to finding a comapnion for life would be to encourage women in your surroundings to educate themselves to become financially independent. When you see men make passes at a woman colleague at work stand up for her or when you do not pay the woman her dues for doing the same job that a man does, stand up for her. When you ask a educated woman to sit at home after marriage, think 100 times before you make that statement. When you expect a woman to take care of the house and child and her work, when you contribute barely 5% to your house and kid, may be you should ask if you are burdening one human being a bit too much.
    When you seek a companion, you shall find one, when you are also ready to be a companion and understand that the other individual has dreams and aspirations too. If her parents due to social conditioning, have brought her up to be financially dependent on you or become a financial leech on you, you teach her to become financially independent. You shall be saved then of all your troubles and also find a partner for life.

  4. Excellent article for men before marriage. I have nothing to add but just to reiterate my own favourite points:

    1. Don't marry a woman by flaunting wealth.

    2. Don't buy property.

    3. Don't have joint accounts and all that nonsense. If wife is earning, she will have her own bank account anyway. Don't believe that crap called -- "If you love someone, you will share everything".

    4. In case of bad marriage, you may realize you married your mother in law rather than wife. So check out the power equations between future wife's parents. Avoid marriage if future MIL is dominant on future FIL.